Link of the Week — Astrology Predictions by The Onion
The Onion has hilarious predications for all zodiac signs — for those who want to check their fate online. Some examples:
Your Birthday Today
Friends and family members will soon gather to mark an important occasion in your life, though you won't really be around to enjoy it
Gemini May 21 - June 21
Finding just the right words to express your feelings is often difficult, which is why you'll ultimately settle on a series of obscene hand gestures.
Cancer June 22 - July 22
It's not so much your drinking that will drive loved ones away, but your tendency to operate chainsaws, nail-guns and other industrial power tools while intoxicated.
Leo July 23 - August 22
It's true that God created you in His likeness. Unfortunately for you, God was feeling particularly shitty about Himself that day.
Feel free to take the RSS Feed of your astrological predications from TheOnion.
POSTED IN: Seriously Funny
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